ah, leah

the title of one of my dad's old rock songs. but who reads this that could tell it. so, after my mother kidnapped me sunday night, i didn't trust her to even take me to the train monday morning. my aunt (the wedding nazi) was going to the airport, so i caught a ride with her. early early. but not early enough. god. the traffic was mizerable. the wedding nazi is not someone you want to be stuck in traffic with for 2 hours. and everyone is stressed when traveling to the airport, scared of missing their flight. you can only imagine. i was so, so glad to finally get on the commuter rail train. home is a commuter train. i am no longer at the will of a driver. i have my own transportation. i am connected. the lovely leah picked me up at the station. she hasn't changed a bit. skinnier, hair a bit shorter, jaw more angular. still, exactly the same. she took me home. and home it was. a little semi detached, with a little yard, and driveway, and garage and front porch. and inside, so charming and colorful and artistic, and warm and welcoming and homey. i felt i had arrived at my destination. i felt that though i had lost a home in pennsylvania, here i had gained one. my room was olive with mustard trim, had a bookcase and cds and leah's guitar, and computer, and a big spare bed with a handmade rainbow quilt and fluffy purple pillows.

i met dana, leah's partner, and i didn't hate her, or have a crush on her, or any of those other things i was afraid of. we talked long over lunch, and as i was apologizing for all the whining i was doing about the wedding, she says, no, i understand. and i'm like, yeah, yeah, heard that before. but here her dad married someone she didn't like, and she really DID know what i'm feeling and she really COULD sympathise. so that was so nice, to talk to someone who had been through this, and had relationships turn out ok on the other side.

dana had to work that night, so leah and i went out alone to the art museum. unfortunately it was closed, so we went shopping on south street instead. it was lovely, all those thrift stores. i took my grandma's birthday money and spent it on a new winter coat, a pair of strappy summer dress up shoes, and this amazing super 70s suitcase with hippie flowers. it totally rocks. we then went out for indian food, then off to her friends rachel and erin's. poor rachel was sick, and we were taking her indian food. oh, they had so many bookcases! and cats! how lovely. the bookcases were depressingly nonfiction, but oh, the fiction! so many of my favourites! franchesca lia block, nancy garden's annie on my mind, living in secret, empress of the world (that's what sara ryan wrote!) i had been telling leah earlier how i don't read any non fiction, just children's fantasy books. so i was a bit embarrased when i was exclaming, and said "i love this one, and this one and this one!" as i pointed, and rachel laughed and said, oh, so it's the young adult lesbian books you like! but i guess if there's anyone it's ok to be a lesbian with, it's these people. and rachel passed on a new title, so i didn't feel really mocked. after a bit erin came home, and she's gorgeous, moving like a dancer. we sat around talking for a bit, then leah and i went home.

leah said, now i'm about to show you one of the reasons why i bought this house. she poured us wine and we went out of the front porch. how can she be so grown up? to have her own front porch to sit and drink and talk by the light of the citronella candle? she made me feel comfortable to spill, so i told her about amy, and gabrielle, and what dan savage told the guy in the similar situation to do. she agreed with him, and michi, that i should tell object of my desire about my affection for those like her and of her in particular. we all open up when we're drunk, she said. she's lived in chicago for a while. how long can you hold this in before the friendship implodes? we fed the dog wheat thins and watched all his impressive tricks. we drank the whole bottle of wine. we talked on the porch until 5 in the morning.

i slept well, for being drunk. it was nice to fall into oblivion. something to get the fucking wedding and it's concequences out of my head. i even feel guilty that that's the saturday event that obsesses all my thoughts. how much does it affect me? anyway, leah drove me and the dog to the park, and we all walked through the woods the next morning. charming, and soothing. i want to move to philladelphia and become a lesbian. then we went to the airport, with promises to communicate better, not to let another 5 years pass. we'll see. it was like a separate vacation. i think charles was suprised. he thought i was going to the wedding, but all i could talk about was leah this, philly that.