i think i'm going crazy. of course, it's just a figment. if i really was, i wouldn't notice, it would all seem perfectly sane. what the fuck is wrong with me? its another popular theme in my life, thinking my tenuous grip on reality is an unshakable foundation. and then being shaken. and taking it back, wishing i hadn't taunted fate by wishing for a test, wishing i could be stable in whatever again. i'm too tired for new answers. i'd just like my old ones to work. ruth says. "perhaps you are just chosen to walk a unique path in life."
perhaps i'll give up interpersonal contact for awhile. i don't know if i can deal with it. it's too much.
can you see what's happening to me?
gone,
caitlin
ps. i called about the movie, asking you to mail it, but when i got home it was in my bag after all. sorry. i feel so guilty, listening to you tell me what happened, making plans, or seeing your notes. you bend yourself this way because i've asked you to, and i can't live up to it, can't even keep what i've got working for me, can't bend for you, can't stop wanting more›
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