about sex

wish i had catagories. i could make "about sex" a category. perhaps i don't type about it as much as i think. anyway,
spinning: nils lofgren, back it up baby, 1977
makes me think about a's conversation with me, where she stumped me, and i didn't get a chance to justify myself, i felt. see, we were talking about others having sex, namely the way mairee and dave won't till they get married (why i say they want to get married so quickly) and ch doing so with just about everyone he meets on the bus. we were talking about our crazy baptist heritage, and i was making jokes about being a lesbian who is saving it for my future partner, and we won't have sex till after the committment ceremony... it just sounds rediculous. (a thinks lesbian and xian are mutually exclusive. i'm not convinced, though it's seemed to be one or the other in my life.) then i was getting a bit cocky and saying i think i still believe in monagamy, and though i won't say never, can't imagine an open relationship working for me.. and she's like, would you call the relationship with the person you've slept with an open relationship? and i'm like, oh. yeah. i forgot, i've slept with someone. a straight someone i'm not in love with. so i guess that ruins part of that.
but now i've been thinking about it all day, and i say that if i'm sleeping with someone cause i'm in love with them, i don't want to be sleeping with anyone else, and i certainly don't want them to be sleeping with anyone else. but i'm not all about saving myself for a future mate. my virginity is not some perfect gift i give to my husband. please. i mean, really, if you would ask me who i would be willing to have sex with these days, i'd probably say whoever wanted to. again, it would depend on the situation, i guess if i was really asked that seriously, or about a specific person, perhaps i'd change my answer. i've given up saying i'll always feel this way or this is always true about me, especially in situations i've never experienced. the nils lofgren song came on pearl as i was coming home, and it seemed appropriate. " i found out, love just ain't enough. i need devotion to back it up (back it up baby, back it up)" i think this is how i'd feel. if i was in a relationship. which i'm not. so a, does that answer your question?
p. s. to allie- tried to keep this gender neutral just for you! though to be honest, my views keep getting narrower....