i'd like to get my apartment clean before i get involved in emotional hooplah

(title courtecy of a.) so fucked up today. on tuesday g called. did i tell you? no? i must be getting better, think so? SHE was wondering when we were going to see each other. who has EVER heard of her asking that question instead of me? she's like, thursday? are you free thursday night? so we make plans. ruth gave me this awesome star lantern one puts a little tea light in and it glows blue and patterned. so i was lighting that, and thinking how overwhelming my life is, and how i wanted g to see it. but my appartment was still trashed from being sick, unpacking, finals, and on and on. so i took an hour, and all of my strength last night, and cleaned it. washed all the dishes. threw away all the newspapers. put alway the piles of stuff. it really took an hour. it's not that big of an appartment! when i was all done, i rewarded myself by taking a bath. it was really nice. put all my candles in the bathroom. read francesca lia block's fairy tales (can you imagine? not just flb, not just fairy tails, but both together!) and ate chocolate pudding right out of the pot (which floated oddly enough, so it wasn't as messy as you might think. ( i am a very tidy reader/eater. aslo reader/bather.cones from reading alot of library books) very restful, and hopefully good for my health. this morning i put beans in to soak for soup for us tonight, and wore THE red skirt. (story of THE red skirt tomorrow, i promise. it's worth it. it's a great one.) problem: THE red skirt is too long, and has rickrack at the hem, so i can't just shorten it. also, it's a flamenco style skirt, real tight at the top and 2 rows of huge ruffles at the bottom. so there's alot of the bottom to hem. so i'm like i can just wear my heeled boots all day. they're waterproof. remember how i said yesterday it was 55 degrees? that's right, like 12,13 degrees centigrade. well, when i looked to see what the weather was like today, it was raining and the newspaper says both high and low everyday this week is under freezing. today was a high of 31f, low of 0f. so i decide it's still worth it, the chicks in the costume shop will like it, and i can just hold up the hem to keep it dry all day. risha was working today, so i was glad i looked sexy, but she was listening to her ipod and was pulling costumes for her show, so i didn't really talk to her. she's 21 now. we'll have to go out. anyway. MY SHOW. was panicking this morning. but felt better once i got to school and saw it was cast. i talked to patty and she told me what i needed for our meeting next week. it's less than what i was expecting, so that's wonderful. i think i can do that. and then my actors started coming! there are only 8 of them, but 6 of them showed up today to get measured and get their scripts!!!! horray!! i feel much better now that i've seen their faces, i think it's been cast really well, and i think i'll be able to come up with designs now that i've actually seen who will be playing the roles. so i was feeling confident. then i got on the bus and checked my voicemail. g called to say she forgot about important dinner with the roomates, and prolly won't make it over. after an hour of cleaning and a whole day of this stupid wet hemline! bitch. fuck her. checked my mail- electric bill. $44! this is why i dont turn my heat on!! i can't afford $44 to heat my house every month! it's like, 9 in the summertime. that's so reasonable. electric heat is SO SO expensive. it's time to put the sweaters on again. g called to make plans for the future. it was fun to be a bitch and the inaccessable one this time. sorry, i'm writing a paper this weekend. you can't see me on saturday. maybe some other time. monday maybe, but i have my fashion final tuesday. take that! not that she's as emotionally caught up in seeing me as i am in her. however, right now i have too much to worry about to spend much time infatuating. certainly not any time to clean my fucking apartment. whatever. good for the soul and that shit. perhaps my paper will be written faster in a clean house. called a. and we finally talked, so that was good relief. i can rely on some friends. still not feeling positive. won't get my show done on time. will get kicked out of the program. or at least never hired in chicago. won't get papers done, will fail, will loose, have no friends, no one calls me, no one comes over when i clean my house, i only know 2 people in this city of 3 million, no one comments on my blog no one reads it, i am stupid and alone. (jamie, you are exempt of course! you a great commenter! i love it! and you've blogrolled me too, so you're keeping other people reading me! and you're gonna get me that perfekte welle song! so you are exempt. what a friend we have in jamie. etc. you'll get your own entry someday soon. perhaps after the red skirt.) a, since you answered the phone, i think i'll exempt you too. g is not exempt. but she doesn't read here, of course, so it doesn't even matter. now if you'll forgive me, i'm going to start eating this huge pot of bean soup that will get me through the weekend. was gonna make biscuts, but it's stupid to make biscuts for one. which i might do just to cheer myself up, but then i would have to preheat the oven, etc, and after getting my electric bill i may never turn on my oven again till spring.