who is jamie?

i'm currently spending all of my free time online. i can't make friends in the real world, but seem to be doing an ok job of it here. but it's strange to me, the cyber-relationship. i would never post my last name or address on my blog, i know about online identities. i feel nervous enough saying i work at the flowershop in the sears tower. and there are people out there who won't even say where they live, or what their lover's name is. and i go to school, and people tell me that's a great way to make friends. and sure i have friends while i'm there, but they don't seem to stick after graduating. even the ones i try with. certainly not the ones i don't try with. and then here, i'm making friends by reading their diaries, which seems a very intimate way to make friends. but for instance, when jamie said she'd mail me the katell cd- when i got it, it was the first actual contact i'd had with her, for all we've been reading each other's blogs. it wasn't even that much information, mostly what her handwriting looked like. but then there's the immediacy of blogging, too. meike wanted to know how much time she'd spent in the us. i had no idea, i assume she's come here as her english is so good. but meike said she didn't have german handwriting. i thought of what i knew about jamie's past, and had very little idea. what was her childhood like? where has she traveled? how did she meet pi? and then there's me- when i was burning cds for her in exchange, i came across the fire mix. those who met me after april don't know about the fire, my hunt for a cute microwave. i haven't told the story of running from a burning building, of coming back to a black sodden apartment ever here. if you come over to my apartment now, there are things that spur these stories. but when it's just whatever i'm thinking of, it tends to be much more current, no history. and then when i was in germany, i was sending out these emails and it was so complicated! i sent out the full version to the blog. cut out the g stuff and sent it to g and my mom. cut out the lesbian stuff and sent it to my dad and mairee. cut out the drinking and swearing and sent it to my aunt. these people all know so much of my history and my daily life, know what i look like and what my appartment sounds like. but they're missing such big parts of my interior world. which is all the blog readers know. and who are my blog readers? looking at the comments, i only have proof that those who don't know me read it, even though it was originally intended just to inform those who do know me but live far away. they tell me they're reading, but it's the other bloggers who comment. and i don't know personally, except for justine, anyone else who blogs. it's an interesting dichotomy.

cosmos- integration of thinking and speech, conveyiing higher thought in an articulate manner
spinning- phoebe snow, poetry man