tschüß

on the fucking train again. it keeps getting worse. we were both testy in the morning, i with traveling and ruth with not sleeping well, dreaming that i'll miss my train. why do i bring so much heavy shit with me? damn christmas. damn that nutella, all that chocolate. i'm just a mess here. an indian family was taking up the entire elevator, so ruth and i had to carry my suitcases and our backpacks and her bike up the stairs. the train was packed. she said, i'll wait here with your luggage while you look for a seat. i will never ride a fucking ice without a reservation again. i don't care if they're 10€, i couldn't find a seat anywhere, ok, there were about 3 left, but no place for my suitcases. at thee 2nd to last car i was worried about my luggage, so i got off the train, found ruth, and started to babble, to panic. she's all german, "caitlin, there is plenty of space, but you need to get on the train now because it leaves in one minute" so we took my suitcases and hauled them in an open door. i was just bawling, and she hugged me, said goodbye, kept saying it was gonna be alright. then the doors shut and i gathered my suitcases in a pile to start moving them, and then she did that thing that breaks my heart everytime. as i'm waving and crying from the window, she starts running along side the train, down the gleis till we're too fast and i can't see her anymore. i found a seat right inside the door, my big suitcase would not fit behind the seat, so i just left it in the vestibule, and put the other one abouve my and my seatmate's heads. i end up crying sporatically all the way to würtzburg. i wonder if perhaps i'll cry for the rest of my 16 hr. trip. i can't move, as every time i do, the doors to the stupid vestabule open. somebody kill me.