do you even want to hear what i'm wearing? god, how lame am i. i should be a good blogger, i have a whole list of comments on the inaurgaral address. i just can't get into it. why are friday nights so hard for me? i was so excited to be going out and not desolving into a funk. fuck that. i desolved into a funk anyway. i hate going to parties where i don't know anyone and everyone else does. it's worse if they are all u of c students. it's worse if your host comes 5 minutes after you get there, and you feel compelled to follow her around because she's the only person you know. it's worse if you hate her annoying pretentious fucking MASCULINE boyfriend. it's worse if you're wearing your tall boots cause they make you 2 inches taller to keep your skirt from dragging in the snow (HA!) and that makes you just enough taller than your host, who you happen to be crushing on, (who you have recently been proud to be more annoyed with than infatuated with) that you can see her boobs bursting out of her slinky vneck shirt, and you can see hints of her red bra every time she moves. and it's worse if he's allowed to touch her, and does so profusely. and it's worse if when most of the guests leave they start drinking and it's fucking HIGHBALLS and fucking nasty WHISKEY is all they have. what makes joe such a poser that he buys old grandad whiskey cause he thinks the party needs alchohol? poser's the wrong word, it's not really pretention, i don't know. i couldn't get in a dyad. i don't know how to feel involved with people i don't know (esp. if they don't know me, esp. if they know each other) if i can't have a one on one conversation. i started with a nice guy, but g came. and that's when i started following her around (but then not too close cause joe got there.) liz was supposed to show up, so i was gonna stick around to see if she was as cute as they said she was, but it ultimately wasn't worth it. fuck them all. they don't care about me. i'm so kind to people who don't know my group. aren't i? i actively try to be, cause it messes me up so much when i feel dissed. they discribed adam as wallpaper, but god, they engaged him more than me. i don't wanna steamroll conversation. we don't have to just talk about me all the time. but give me an opening, something. fuck. is it my problem or is it theirs? if it's mine, how can i fix it? if it's theirs, how can i find new friends who find me a glamourous, facinating, engaging person? what is it about friday nights that make me feel like this? i used the snow as an excuse-it's been coming down steady since 4 or so. i was so frozen walking over there, but i could bundle on the way home cause looking fabulous wasn't neccessary. i'm calming down, i was in such a funk when leaving. and the streets are so empty, and it's all so quiet, and you can hear the soft sound of it falling. the busses lumber by, but they're the only thing thats out, besides ocasional bunches of students. no one's shoveled tonight, so it's just a few footprints to walk in, about 5 inches deep so far. my boots did a great job keeping my feet warm and dry, i was really impressed. i really wanted to hop on a bus and go to stargaze, but it's so far from the train, it would take me an hour to get there. it would take me an hour to get to any bar that's not straight. i was thinking about walking to the falcon inn, but decided i wasn't that depressed yet. i've got good alchohol at home. i really wanted to walk to the lake, but i'm always afraid of getting mugged, and i had pearl with me. i decided to at least change, and once i got here i needed to vent, so here you are, and now that i'm home i don't really want to get undressed, redressed, and go out again. perhaps i'll take a bath. i spent alot of money at the apoteke buying kneipp badöl just like meikes (wildflower calming, right?) cause they only had these huge bottles. i should have bought it in germany. but i needed to go there anyway to get aloe and dill flower essences to get me costuming this show, hopefully. god, i can't even think about it. i'm such a looser. i'm going to bed. a, thanks again, so much. it was a great comment. comments are even better than emails. i love you. so much i really am gonna get you a christmas gift.
21.1.05
but i looked absolutely fabulous, so that has to count for something, don't you think? doesn't it?
a, darling, thank you so much for your comment. i'm dying for comments here. god i need friends. the digital ones are nice, the german ones are nice, but i need some friends in this fucking city. i can't remember if i typed it or if i just thought it earlier. when i was posting that i was going to g's party. i was thinking, "i'm gonna wear THE red skirt and i bet it will be totally lame and i'll come back all depressed." i immediately repressed that thought, cause i was feeling like meeting people, and was planning on looking hot and all. was gonna put on my eyelashes, but decided they aren't worth it. i wore my fave tiny black tshirt with THE red skirt, black boa, red loopy sweater (bird or polar bear, you decide) and my locks are still waxed, so i tied them up on the very top of my head with a bandana, and thy stood straight up and spilled down my face. really red lipstick, mascara, etc. do you even want to hear what i'm wearing? god, how lame am i. i should be a good blogger, i have a whole list of comments on the inaurgaral address. i just can't get into it. why are friday nights so hard for me? i was so excited to be going out and not desolving into a funk. fuck that. i desolved into a funk anyway. i hate going to parties where i don't know anyone and everyone else does. it's worse if they are all u of c students. it's worse if your host comes 5 minutes after you get there, and you feel compelled to follow her around because she's the only person you know. it's worse if you hate her annoying pretentious fucking MASCULINE boyfriend. it's worse if you're wearing your tall boots cause they make you 2 inches taller to keep your skirt from dragging in the snow (HA!) and that makes you just enough taller than your host, who you happen to be crushing on, (who you have recently been proud to be more annoyed with than infatuated with) that you can see her boobs bursting out of her slinky vneck shirt, and you can see hints of her red bra every time she moves. and it's worse if he's allowed to touch her, and does so profusely. and it's worse if when most of the guests leave they start drinking and it's fucking HIGHBALLS and fucking nasty WHISKEY is all they have. what makes joe such a poser that he buys old grandad whiskey cause he thinks the party needs alchohol? poser's the wrong word, it's not really pretention, i don't know. i couldn't get in a dyad. i don't know how to feel involved with people i don't know (esp. if they don't know me, esp. if they know each other) if i can't have a one on one conversation. i started with a nice guy, but g came. and that's when i started following her around (but then not too close cause joe got there.) liz was supposed to show up, so i was gonna stick around to see if she was as cute as they said she was, but it ultimately wasn't worth it. fuck them all. they don't care about me. i'm so kind to people who don't know my group. aren't i? i actively try to be, cause it messes me up so much when i feel dissed. they discribed adam as wallpaper, but god, they engaged him more than me. i don't wanna steamroll conversation. we don't have to just talk about me all the time. but give me an opening, something. fuck. is it my problem or is it theirs? if it's mine, how can i fix it? if it's theirs, how can i find new friends who find me a glamourous, facinating, engaging person? what is it about friday nights that make me feel like this? i used the snow as an excuse-it's been coming down steady since 4 or so. i was so frozen walking over there, but i could bundle on the way home cause looking fabulous wasn't neccessary. i'm calming down, i was in such a funk when leaving. and the streets are so empty, and it's all so quiet, and you can hear the soft sound of it falling. the busses lumber by, but they're the only thing thats out, besides ocasional bunches of students. no one's shoveled tonight, so it's just a few footprints to walk in, about 5 inches deep so far. my boots did a great job keeping my feet warm and dry, i was really impressed. i really wanted to hop on a bus and go to stargaze, but it's so far from the train, it would take me an hour to get there. it would take me an hour to get to any bar that's not straight. i was thinking about walking to the falcon inn, but decided i wasn't that depressed yet. i've got good alchohol at home. i really wanted to walk to the lake, but i'm always afraid of getting mugged, and i had pearl with me. i decided to at least change, and once i got here i needed to vent, so here you are, and now that i'm home i don't really want to get undressed, redressed, and go out again. perhaps i'll take a bath. i spent alot of money at the apoteke buying kneipp badöl just like meikes (wildflower calming, right?) cause they only had these huge bottles. i should have bought it in germany. but i needed to go there anyway to get aloe and dill flower essences to get me costuming this show, hopefully. god, i can't even think about it. i'm such a looser. i'm going to bed. a, thanks again, so much. it was a great comment. comments are even better than emails. i love you. so much i really am gonna get you a christmas gift.
do you even want to hear what i'm wearing? god, how lame am i. i should be a good blogger, i have a whole list of comments on the inaurgaral address. i just can't get into it. why are friday nights so hard for me? i was so excited to be going out and not desolving into a funk. fuck that. i desolved into a funk anyway. i hate going to parties where i don't know anyone and everyone else does. it's worse if they are all u of c students. it's worse if your host comes 5 minutes after you get there, and you feel compelled to follow her around because she's the only person you know. it's worse if you hate her annoying pretentious fucking MASCULINE boyfriend. it's worse if you're wearing your tall boots cause they make you 2 inches taller to keep your skirt from dragging in the snow (HA!) and that makes you just enough taller than your host, who you happen to be crushing on, (who you have recently been proud to be more annoyed with than infatuated with) that you can see her boobs bursting out of her slinky vneck shirt, and you can see hints of her red bra every time she moves. and it's worse if he's allowed to touch her, and does so profusely. and it's worse if when most of the guests leave they start drinking and it's fucking HIGHBALLS and fucking nasty WHISKEY is all they have. what makes joe such a poser that he buys old grandad whiskey cause he thinks the party needs alchohol? poser's the wrong word, it's not really pretention, i don't know. i couldn't get in a dyad. i don't know how to feel involved with people i don't know (esp. if they don't know me, esp. if they know each other) if i can't have a one on one conversation. i started with a nice guy, but g came. and that's when i started following her around (but then not too close cause joe got there.) liz was supposed to show up, so i was gonna stick around to see if she was as cute as they said she was, but it ultimately wasn't worth it. fuck them all. they don't care about me. i'm so kind to people who don't know my group. aren't i? i actively try to be, cause it messes me up so much when i feel dissed. they discribed adam as wallpaper, but god, they engaged him more than me. i don't wanna steamroll conversation. we don't have to just talk about me all the time. but give me an opening, something. fuck. is it my problem or is it theirs? if it's mine, how can i fix it? if it's theirs, how can i find new friends who find me a glamourous, facinating, engaging person? what is it about friday nights that make me feel like this? i used the snow as an excuse-it's been coming down steady since 4 or so. i was so frozen walking over there, but i could bundle on the way home cause looking fabulous wasn't neccessary. i'm calming down, i was in such a funk when leaving. and the streets are so empty, and it's all so quiet, and you can hear the soft sound of it falling. the busses lumber by, but they're the only thing thats out, besides ocasional bunches of students. no one's shoveled tonight, so it's just a few footprints to walk in, about 5 inches deep so far. my boots did a great job keeping my feet warm and dry, i was really impressed. i really wanted to hop on a bus and go to stargaze, but it's so far from the train, it would take me an hour to get there. it would take me an hour to get to any bar that's not straight. i was thinking about walking to the falcon inn, but decided i wasn't that depressed yet. i've got good alchohol at home. i really wanted to walk to the lake, but i'm always afraid of getting mugged, and i had pearl with me. i decided to at least change, and once i got here i needed to vent, so here you are, and now that i'm home i don't really want to get undressed, redressed, and go out again. perhaps i'll take a bath. i spent alot of money at the apoteke buying kneipp badöl just like meikes (wildflower calming, right?) cause they only had these huge bottles. i should have bought it in germany. but i needed to go there anyway to get aloe and dill flower essences to get me costuming this show, hopefully. god, i can't even think about it. i'm such a looser. i'm going to bed. a, thanks again, so much. it was a great comment. comments are even better than emails. i love you. so much i really am gonna get you a christmas gift.
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Something's keeping me from posting. I tried again yesterday, but my browser broke down and then I wasn't in the mood to write everything again.
Sorry to hear about yout not-so-happy evening. I've had some of these lately, not exactly like yours, but kind of. I ended up drunk and whiny while everyone else seemed to enjoy themselves perfectly. That made me even more whiny.
I always forgot to write about that wedding in October on my blog, where I ended up crying myself to sleep for no apparent reason. I still blame the unhealthy mixture of antibiotics and champagne (or Sekt, I think) for my emotional breakdown.
So, you see, you're not alone with this.
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